The Iceberg and the Gavel: Why We Must Choose Understanding Over Judgment

 The Iceberg and the Gavel: Why We Must Choose Understanding Over Judgment

In an age of instant opinions and social media snap judgments, it has become far too easy to assess a person’s life with a mere glance. We see a smile and assume success. We witness a mistake and assign a character flaw. We have become proficient judges, yet we have forgotten the most crucial part of the process: the understanding that must come first.

There is a profound irony in how we wield judgment today. In a court of law, a judge is entrusted with a solemn responsibility. Their title is earned not by rushing to a conclusion, but by a disciplined process: they must listen to both sides, examine the evidence, consult the legal framework, and deliver a verdict only then. The one who is called "judge" does not judge without understanding. Yet in our daily lives, we have inverted this order. We deliver the verdict without ever hearing the case. We have set our minds to judge, even when we know it is not our place.

The Happy Face and the Hidden Depths

Consider a common scenario: we see a person who looks incredibly happy. Instantly, our minds construct a narrative. We conclude they are doing well in life—they must have a great job, a loving family, and financial stability. We associate their visible happiness with external factors and project our own definition of a "good life" onto them.

While we might occasionally be right, this assumption is a dangerous oversimplification. Not every happy face has a happy story. Sometimes, that smile is not a reflection of joy, but a shield against sorrow. To hide pain, loneliness, or anxiety, a person may choose to wear a happy face as armour. We see the expression, but we miss the emotion.

 The Tip of the Iceberg

This phenomenon is perfectly captured by the "tip of the iceberg" theory. What we observe in another person—their behaviour, their words, their facial expressions—is merely the tip of the iceberg. It is the small, visible portion floating above the surface. But beneath that tip lies a massive, submerged mountain. This hidden mass contains a person’s history, traumas, fears, unspoken dreams, insecurities, and complex motivations.

To judge a person based solely on the tip is to ignore the very structure that defines them. Human behaviour is the tip; the human experience is the mass below. What lies beneath cannot be judged from a distance; it must be understood up close.

Why We Judge

If understanding is so vital, why do we so readily choose judgment? Judging is easy. It is a cognitive shortcut that requires no emotional investment. It allows us to categorise people quickly, offering an illusion of control and predictability in a chaotic world. Understanding, on the other hand, is hard work. It demands that we be vulnerable enough to accept that our first impression might be wrong.

To truly understand another person, we must cultivate a specific set of skills:

·       Willingness: The conscious choice to prioritise connection over convenience.

·       Patience: The discipline to wait for the full story to reveal itself.

·       Listening: Not just hearing words, but seeking to comprehend the meaning behind them.

·       Empathy: The courage to imagine what it might be like to walk in their shoes.

·       Being Unbiased: The difficult task of acknowledging our own prejudices and setting them aside.

Unless we stop judging people, we can never master the art of understanding them. The next time you are tempted to label someone based on a fleeting moment, remember the iceberg. Remember the gavel. Choose to listen first. You might just find that the story beneath the surface is far more complex—and far more human—than you ever imagined.

M.L.Narendra Kumar