The Three Kinds of Suffering in Decision-Making

 The Three Kinds of Suffering in Decision-Making

There are three kinds of suffering people experience when making decisions:

1. Suffering caused by a bad decision they have already made.
2. Suffering caused by confusion while trying to make a decision.
3. Suffering caused by uncertainty after the decision is made—endlessly wondering whether it was right or wrong.

Some wise people use clear processes and tools, and they sail through decisions with relative ease. Others follow what Ratan Tata once said: "I don't believe in taking right decisions. I take decisions and then make them right."

Both groups, however, have likely faced all three kinds of suffering at some point in their lives.

So, how do we stop suffering?

First, let's understand that suffering is more mental than physical. Physical pain is inevitable—a broken bone, a lost opportunity, a financial hit. But the mental anguish we add on top? That is where we have more control. Over time, with practice, suffering becomes a choice. But let's be honest: in the heat of the moment, when the loss is fresh, and the regret is raw, it doesn't feel like a choice. And that's okay. The goal isn't to suppress that pain instantly. It's to gently remind ourselves, once the dust settles, that we can step back and reframe our story.

If our decision was bad or wrong, it doesn't mean we are bad or wrong. We are simply students in the school of life, and decision-making is just one subject on the curriculum. We learn by making mistakes—not by avoiding them.

If we are confused about what to decide, it's wise to seek out seniors in our school of life—mentors, friends, or experts—and gain their insights. Standing frozen at a crossroads doesn't move us forward. Sometimes, even an imperfect step is better than no step at all.

If our mind oscillates after a decision is made, let's accept that we are already on that journey. Instead of torturing ourselves with "what ifs," let's fully experience the path. Later, we can return to the classroom of life and ask: What can I learn from this? How can I minimise the loss?

A word of caution about "make it right" thinking:

The Ratan Tata approach is inspiring, but it assumes we have the resources, time, or influence to turn a bad decision around. That's not always true. Sometimes a wrong choice leads to irreversible outcomes—health issues, broken trust, or financial ruin. In those cases, the goal isn't to "make it right" but to make peace with it. Acceptance, not heroic correction, becomes the path forward. And that's equally courageous.

The core message remains this:

Instead of suffering in our minds, let's accept that everything we encounter is a lesson. Decision-making is a subject we must learn thoroughly—either through our own experience or by observing others. Ask yourself: What kind of suffering am I going through right now? Then seek the wisdom to step out of that ring—the ring called suffering, which is not your wedding ring.

You are not married to your pain. You are in the ring of life, where you don't keep knocking down enemies—because most of them are generated within yourself.

Final thought:

Be kind to yourself in the moment. Give yourself time to feel the sting. Then, when you're ready, choose to learn rather than lament. That's not denial—that's dignity. And that's how a student of life eventually becomes a master.

M.L. Narendra Kumar