Listen, Understand and Respond

 Listen, Understand and Respond

Most of the time, people listen to respond rather than to understand. By the time the other person finishes speaking, the listener is often already formulating a response. Let’s explore what happens in such situations. While listening, we may be trying to engage our logical brain to recall our memories and creativity for a response, or we may be accessing our emotional brain to defend ourselves against what is being said.

For example, if one person talks about ways another could improve, the listener might offer excuses such as a lack of time, resources, or support. Alternatively, they may bring up personal emotions, like health or family issues. These reactions often occur while the other person is still speaking, leading to a decreased understanding and an increased eagerness to defend one’s position. During this type of conversation, the listener may appear restless, exhibiting a lack of eye contact or head nodding.

In such interactions, the listener's need to respond can hinder their ability to understand. This behavior can lead to arguments or strained relationships.

Now, take a moment to reflect on your experiences as a listener. How often have you found yourself reacting this way, and with whom? Similarly, consider your role as a speaker. How many times have you encountered people who responded without fully understanding your message? We all have likely experienced both sides of this scenario.

 

Just as we expect others to understand us, we must also strive to understand them. Unless we make an effort to listen truly, we can never be fully understood. As Dr. Stephen R. Covey mentions in his book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People," "Seek first to understand, then to be understood," which is the fifth habit he discusses.

 

When we listen to understand, our body language conveys our willingness to engage, encouraging the other person to share more. Zig Ziglar wisely stated, "Speak in such a way that people would like to listen to you, and listen in such a way that people would like to speak to you."

 

If we picture two ears together, they resemble a heart. This serves as a reminder that when we listen, we are essentially lending our heart. Interestingly, the word "ear" is at the centre of "heart."

When we closely observe the shape of our ears, they resemble a womb where every message received is like a baby being nurtured inside, ready to emerge into the world. It is our responsibility to promote these messages effectively so we can deliver the correct responses.

M.L. Narendra Kumar